nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
