we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
After last night, I could never be a politician.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
