listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What a dumb baby whore.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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