I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Just high enough for therapy.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
