I hate your face
Just fell off a train. Bad.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
