Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I need a burrito and a hug.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
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