And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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