I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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