Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
