I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
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