i love accidental penises.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
