Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
