The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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