If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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