Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
That accounts for only three of the penises
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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