i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
