Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
