I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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