There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
