why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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