During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you're hired as official boob wrangler
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
