Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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