I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
