I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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