Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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