In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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