Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
