why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
