There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
