dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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