The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
