Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
