Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
