More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
