Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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