He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
