hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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