Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
