How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
