Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
