before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm at about main and main street
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
