remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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