Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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