Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
