she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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