I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
