Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
