i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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