your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
