keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
